Journal: how do you communicate?

After reading through this morning's post, have you determined which of the personality types are your dominant ones? I've found that it's pretty easy to see which personality type someone is based on how they react in times of stress. If you're having a hard time determining your primary personality type(s), think back to a time when you felt under pressure or stressed out and see how you reacted. That will likely say a lot about what your main personality types are.

For this journal I want to you look back and think about how your personality type(s) has expressed itself and how others have made you feel because of it. For instance, do people make you feel like you're not smart because you're a funster, or that you're to much inside your head because you're a dreamer? Also think about how you may have treated people in a way that wasn't supportive of their personality type. I liked this story about how people came together to support a kid according to her personality type because they recognized her personal needs. I distinctly remember an incident almost identical to that when I was in seventh grade, except my teachers did not act in a way that supported me. Maybe you've seen something like that happen in your own life. Write about it!

Journal: Write an apology letter

It's hard to admit you've wronged someone. It involves a lot of humility and can be really uncomfortable. Unlike the famous line from the movie Love Story, love does not mean never having to say your sorry. In fact, real love means having to say you're sorry a lot, usually. I think the more you do it, though, the better you get at it. I was very very bad at apologizing when I was a kid and teen. I feel like back then it was almost literally painful for me to apologize or ask forgiveness. I'm getting better at it, though.

For today's journal, I want you to write an apology letter so someone you've wronged. You don't have to give the letter to them if you don't want to. I often find that when I'm trying to communicate something difficult, it's much easier to write it out, than try to fumble through words verbally. I'm much better at writing than I am at talking, and I like being able to write several drafts and edit things so they are clear and mean what I want them to mean.

If you want to write more than one, go ahead! Love is all about reconciliation, and apologizing and asking forgiveness is the first step to reconciliation. Admitting you've hurt someone or done something wrong is hard, but ultimately, leaving the relationship broken by your wrongdoing is worse than just admitting you've hurt someone.

Journal: How can others best love you?

Today I want you to evaluate what your love language is and how others can best love you. For me, I don't need gifts to feel loved, but I do need to spend quality time with people. I know other people who feel most loved when you give them presents, or when you do things for them. In order love other people, you have to understand that not everyone feels loved in the same way. And it's important for you to know how you feel loved so you can communicate that to the people in your life who want to love you well! Think of specific ways you feel most loved. Is it receiving little, uplifting texts throughout the day? Is it getting a bouquet of flowers unexpectedly? Do you love going on walks with someone? Once you figure out what your love language(s) is, think about the ways that manifests in your life specifically.

And think about the people around you who you want to be able to love better. Think about what their love language(s) might be. Knowing this about the people closest to you will help you be able to love them more wholly and effectively!

Journal: Fear of Vulnerability

For today's journal activity, I want you guys to think about what Brene said in the video from earlier today. What are the fears in your life which keep you from being vulnerable and authentic with others? What keeps you from making those real connections with other people? I think for me, as a perfectionist type of personality, I often don't want people to think things about me that aren't true and I want to be seen as capable. I want people to see me as someone who can do it, who can get things done, who doesn't need help. But that's not true. No one can go through life without needing help, or having to ask for advice. In order to live fully I must live into the vulnerability of saying, "I can't do it on my own," and relinquish control. I have to admit that I'm not super-me, I'm just me, and that's good enough.

Do you feel like you are worthy of love and connection? Are you one of those "wholehearted" people, as Brene put it? I think the interesting thing about that is that all you have to do is believe it about yourself. And if you don't believe it, fake it till you make it, as they say. Even if you feel silly telling yourself you're beautiful and worthy of being loved, the more you say it to yourself, the easier it will be to believe.

Journal: write a letter to yourself as a teen/child

One important thing in knowing yourself is to be able to look back at your past and recognize mistakes you've made and also times when you made good decisions. Write a letter to yourself as a teen or child and give yourself some advice for "the future." You'll probably find that the advice you give your younger self is good advice to follow right now! You've definitely changed in the years since you were younger, but as they say, if you don't learn from history, you're doomed to repeat it!

Journal: Beautiful People

For today's journal I want you to think of the most beautiful people in your life. These have to be people you actually interact with (so, not you're favorite actress or musician), because beauty is about so much more than just looks. What is it about them that you find beautiful? Talk about the qualities they possess that make them truly beautiful. I've found that true beauty is almost always inspiring. What is it about them that you find inspires you to be a better person? Are they kind, selfless, joyful? Do they exude self-confidence and a comfortability with who they are? Do they light up a room with their personality?

You can also talk about someone who you maybe thought was beautiful based on outward appearance, but upon getting to know them you realized they were unkind or rude. Or maybe they just were striving so hard to appear a certain way that they didn't have that ease about them which comes from feeling comfortable with who you are. Either way, it's beneficial to recognize true beauty when you see it, and to also recognize when beauty is being emulated in a superficial way. Training yourself to see beauty more holistically, rather than just a matter of appearance, will help you to see true beauty in others.

Journal: Write Your Beauty story

Today I want you to think back on your own beauty story. You can start at any point in your life, but I think it would be most useful to start when you were first exposed to the concept of "beauty" and go from there. Did your father make an offhand comment about your looks when you were a child? Did a friend in high school or junior high suddenly go through puberty and have all the boys chasing after her while you were left in the dust? Did you have someone call you the "pretty one" and your sibling the "personality"? Did you get the message that beauty was equivalent to a certain body shape or size? Maybe your mom was constantly talking about how she needed to go on a diet, or told you that you needed to lose weight or boys wouldn't notice you.

We all have our own personal ideas, biases, and stories which show how we've come to where we are currently in our relationship to the concept of beauty. Going back through your childhood and younger years and looking back on those moments you learned something about beauty can tell you a lot about how you view beauty now. For many women, beauty is a word that brings up a lot of emotions. Since a third of this e-course is focused on beauty, it will be useful to be able to evaluate where your current thoughts and feelings about beauty have originated. If you don't know where to start, here's a good article about beauty from the perspective of someone in her 60's! There are more articles from women in various decades too (20's, 30's, etc), which you can find at the bottom of the article.

Journal: What are you afraid of...

Today I want you to write down what those things are that keep you from doing the things you want to do. What are those fears that you have which stop you from just going for it? What are the excuses and obstacles you have in your life which keep you from reaching for your dreams and goals? Have you manufactured some of these excuses and/or fears to keep yourself in your comfort zone?

I've found that often some of my biggest excuses are just things that I've told myself are limitations, when really they aren't at all! Sometimes (well, actually pretty frequently) going after goals or dreams will involve risk, which can definitely be scary. If we never take any risks, though, we'll never stretch out of our comfort zones and do the things we dream of doing-- those awesome things that are written on your heart. As children we have this sense of being able to do anything, sometimes even jump off the roof thinking we can fly. As we get older and gain an understanding of how the world works, we loose a bit of that adventuresome, risk taking nature. We start using the words "can't" and "never." What are the things in your life which cause you to believe that you "can't" do something, or that you could "never" go for? Identifying those things which we place in our lives as limitations is a great step to overcoming them! Where there's a will, there's a way!

Journal: Write a birthday goal list

One thing that I've found is helpful in achieving goals is to make them manageable. While I like the idea of a lifelong "bucket list," I feel like I don't get a sense of urgency when I look at a bucket list. It's more of a, "well, someday I'd like to do those things" not an, "I want to accomplish these things soon!" While we don't actually know how long we have to accomplish bucket list things, breaking it down into manageable time spans is something that helps me with feeling like I can actually achieve things I want to do. That's why I like to make a new list for every year. Some of those things might be from a lifelong bucket list, but because I'm giving myself that year to accomplish them, I actually stand a chance of doing them! It doesn't have to be "24 before 25" or "19 before 20," you can pick any arbitrary number, but I think the "X before X+1" model is a fun way to do it.

Another thing that helps is having the list in a visual place. Put your list on your inspiration board, on your fridge, your car dashboard, or on your bathroom mirror. Anywhere you see on a regular basis. Plus, then it's fun to see things getting checked off as you accomplish them!

I've also started doing more minor little monthly goals like "Make one new recipe each week for a month" or "write and record a song and perform at an open mic" in the style of Matt Cutts' 30 day challenges. I also like doing 30 day challenges to complete birthday goals as well!

You can write them in your Lovely*Brave journal, write them on something you can post in a highly visible area, or both! While you may throw away your list if you just post it on the fridge, it can be nice to have it in your journal as a reminder in the years to come of what you accomplished in that year of your life and inspire you to continue creating birthday goal lists.

If you want a more daily reminder of your goals, you can print off these cute little sheets from Creature Comforts!

If you'd like to share your birthday goal list, head over to the Lovely*Brave forum and join the discussion!  It's super fun to hear about other people's goals and to encourage each other to go after them!  Plus, hearing other people's goals can inspire you to go after your own (or give you ideas for other things you'd love to do, but hadn't thought of recently).

Journal: Your Personal Mission Statement

If you look at any major corporation, church, organization or small business no doubt you'll find that they have a mission statement. This statement is in place not only to inform patrons of the mission of the company, but also to keep the company on track and moving towards that goal. The company will likely try to eliminate things that keep it from that goal, and will do things that help it towards that goal.

What's interesting is that while most CEOs, church leaders, and small business owners could almost certainly tell you off the top of their heads what their business' mission statement is, it's unlikely that they've ever sat down and created a mission statement for their own lives. In fact, most people don't stop to think about what they want as a mission statement for their lives. Developing a personal mission statement is basically "connecting with your own unique purpose and the profound satisfaction that comes from fulfilling it" (Stephen Covey in First Things First). A mission statement doesn't have to be career oriented at all, nor does it have to encompass your entire life. Your high school self will likely have a different mission statement than your self who is married or has kids. Life circumstances will definitely affect what your mission statement looks like, however I think there are also parts of your mission statement that should reflect your core desires and purpose. Your mission statement will undoubtedly change and evolve as you change and grow. Continue to evaluate it and make changes as you need to.

I've found a couple sites that help you to build a mission statement if you're having trouble boiling it down (I sure did!). Franklin Covey has a great 10 step mission statement builder. I used this one and liked it a lot. The end mission statement is very long, but it helped me to define my mission and out of their questions I was able to boil down my 1-3 sentence statement. This article also has a great 5 step plan for helping figure out your personal mission statement. If you google "personal mission statement" many useful links come up and you can peruse them to find which ones you think are helpful.

Here's what I've got for my personal mission statement at this point in time:

My life's journey is to inspire and give others the tools and resources to become the most whole person they can be, stretching them out of their fear and into growth and personal wholeness.

I will stop listening to the limits I place upon myself and move towards my goals with enthusiasm and passion.

I will cultivate my adventurous spirit.

I will bring beauty and inspiration into the world.

I will do my best to enable others to do the same.

I will cut out the parts of my life which keep me from doing the above.

If you're having trouble figuring out how to word your mission statement here's a site which gives a few examples. There's really not a wrong way to do it, but it's nice to see how others have gone about it.

If you feel like it, share your mission statement on the forum! It would be inspiring to read everyone's personal mission statements!

Journal: In the Growth Zone

Today, set aside some time to reflect on your life and think about times you've stepped into your growth zone. Was it trying out for a team in high school? Was it going on a blind date? Was it applying for your dream job, or maybe a grad school? Maybe it was something simple like trying a new food or getting a different hair cut. Think back to all those times when you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone and how they've affected you. A lot of times we build things up to be scarier than they really are. Once you actually go do the thing you were nervous about, you realize it wasn't as bad as you thought!

Write about those experiences and about how they made you feel. You can also write about when you might have been in your danger zone, or felt pressured to go into your danger zone by other people. It's important to look back and recognize when you were in your comfort/growth/danger zones in past situations.

Also, make a list of things that are in your growth zone! Things you want to do, but are out of your comfort zone. Just writing out those things can make them concrete in your mind and make you realize how much you actually would like to do them!

Feel free to share and discuss with others in the forum about your experiences in your growth zone or danger zone!