Wooden Heart

I want to give this an introduction but I don't really know what to say about it. I just feel like it should be included in the Love section. Clear away distractions and just listen. I included the lyrics so you can read what he says, but I'd recommend listening it once without the lyrics to just absorb it, and then go back and listen again reading along with the lyrics.



We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living
and since that first breath... We’ll need grace that we’ve never given
I've been haunted by standard red devils and white ghosts
and it's not only when these eyes are closed
these lies are ropes that I tie down in my stomach,
but they hold this ship together tossed like leaves in this weather
and my dreams are sails that I point towards my true north,
stretched thin over my rib bones, and pray that it gets better
but it won’t won’t, at least I don’t believe it will...
so I've built a wooden heart inside this iron ship,
to sail these blood red seas and find your coasts.
don’t let these waves wash away your hopes
this war-ship is sinking, and I still believe in anchors
pulling fist fulls of rotten wood from my heart, I still believe in saviors
but I know that we are all made out of shipwrecks, every single board
washed and bound like crooked teeth on these rocky shores
so come on and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

I am the barely living son of a woman and man who barely made it
but we’re making it taped together on borrowed crutches and new starts
we all have the same holes in our hearts...
everything falls apart at the exact same time
that it all comes together perfectly for the next step
but my fear is this prison... that I keep locked below the main deck
I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden
and my hopes are weapons that I’m still learning how to use right
but they’re heavy and I’m awkward...always running out of fight
so I’ve carved a wooden heart, put it in this sinking ship
hoping it would help me float for just a few more weeks
because I am made out of shipwrecks, every twisted beam
lost and found like you and me scattered out on the sea
so come on let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, just some tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

My throat it still tastes like house fire and salt water
I wear this tide like loose skin, rock me to sea
if we hold on tight we’ll hold each other together
and not just be some fools rushing to die in our sleep
all these machines will rust I promise, but we'll still be electric
shocking each other back to life
Your hand in mine, my fingers in your veins connected
our bones grown together inside
our hands entwined, your fingers in my veins braided
our spines grown stronger in time
because are church is made out of shipwrecks
from every hull these rocks have claimed
but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change
so come on yall and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief
and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach
come on and sew us together, were just tattered rags stained forever
we only have what we remember

Gala Darling on Radical Self Love

Video: Kathryn Schulz on Being Wrong

"This attachment to our own rightness keeps us from preventing mistakes when we absolutely need to and causes us to treat each other terribly. But to me, what's most baffling and most tragic about this is that it misses the whole point of being human. It's like we want to imagine that our minds are just these perfectly translucent windows and we just gaze out of them and describe the world as it unfolds. And we want everybody else to gaze out of the same window and see the exact same thing. That is not true, and if it were, life would be incredibly boring. The miracle of your mind isn't that you can see the world as it is. It's that you can see the world as it isn't. We can remember the past, and we can think about the future, and we can imagine what it's like to be some other person in some other place. And we all do this a little differently, which is why we can all look up at the same night sky and see this and also this and also this. And yeah, it is also why we get things wrong." - Kathryn Schulz

Video: Brene Brown on Vulnerability

"But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough," then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves." - Brene Brown

The Beauty of Aging

It's no secret that our society has an almost crippling fear of aging and any visual indication of such. The amount of money we spend to avoid getting or looking old is outrageous. Wrinkle creams, botox, facelifts, liposuction. We fight so hard against getting older, and then once we've lost the fight, we become marginalized by the rest of society, the younger generation. Beauty is talked about as if it is something reserved for young people. This is so false! Beauty is something that is ageless.

Lately I've been poring through Advanced Style, which is an amazing street style blog featuring only stylish older men and women. The outlook on life and style that the ladies share is one of the most inspiring things I've ever heard. It's also pretty heartbreaking to hear how these beautiful and stylish ladies don't feel like they should have their photos taken because they're "just an old lady." It's such a shame that we make the older members of our society to feel lesser, just because of their age. Ari Seth Cohen, the man behind Advanced style has said

"But I'm an old Lady." This is a response I hear all the time, when I approach people and ask if I can take their photograph. I always reassure them that they look wonderful and are exactly what I'm looking for. It saddens me to think that these gorgeous,vital, and creative women are made to feel less important and less beautiful as they age. The woman above started off by questioning why I would want to photograph her. After I was finished she thanked me with a big smile on her face and told me that I had made her day. There is no question in my mind, why I would be inspired by this elegant woman. I don't want my photos to be spectacular and original, in fact I want them to get so familiar and boring that we all get used to looking at age in a new light. Maybe if we shift our attitudes towards getting older a little, the ladies I meet will start replying "But of course, I'm an Old Lady" instead.

Many people ask me if the people I photograph are looking for attention-if they are dressing up because they want people to notice them. Anyone of these marvelous ladies and gentleman will tell you that they are dressing up for themselves, because it makes them feel good. As they have gotten older their message has changed. They are no longer saying "Look At Me", but rather "I am Here".

Interestingly, most of the women on Advanced Style share that now that they are older, they feel more free to express their personal style more freely than when they were younger. For them, there's no one they need to impress anymore so they are free to just be themselves and wear whatever they want to wear or what makes them feel good! It's so sad that our culture sends the message to older people that they are no longer needed, that they can fade into the background now, because they've served their purpose and now are just a burden on society. These beautiful ladies (and gents!) featured on Advanced Style have so much life and their vivacious spirits seem to leap off the screen in a way I've almost never seen from a street style photo of a young woman.

We need to change the way we view age and aging. I think about what my grandma said, about how in her mind, her spirit, she feels the same as she did when she was 25. Now what if tomorrow I woke up feeling the exact same as I do right now, but when I look in the mirror I realize I'm 80! Of course, this would be a complete shock, but how terrible would it feel to have people dismiss me, or tell me I'm not allowed to dress the way I want to because of my age? I feel the same, I'm the same person with the same spirit and life, and yet because of my age I'm supposed to fade away. In a sense we're removing person-hood from the aging members of our society. We're telling them, "don't bother, you're old now. We don't need you, and we don't want to see you."

Cohen says of one of the women he shoots, "[she] lives by the mantra, "Look Good, Feel Good. Feel Good, Look Good." The fashion she and the other advanced style ladies display is merely a reflection of the care and thought they put into every aspect of their lives. The energy they expend towards dressing is manifested in their passion for living life to the fullest...The Healing power of style is a reciprocal process that can benefit each one of us. Let's all try a little harder to dress up, feel good, and appreciate beauty in others." I seriously want to quote so many more posts from Advanced Style, because the women he interacts with are so full of wisdom!

Okay, well, I can't not quote Ari one last time...

It is the opinion of some that as we age, we should become more conservative and not express ourselves in the same ways. I once had a woman email me to say that her grandchildren didn't want her to dress colorfully any more. They thought that she was too old to wear clothing that would make her stand out in anyway. The problem with this is that the longing for personal expression, and the need to be creative don't end at a certain age. 91 year old Ilona Royce Smithkin will tell you that she still feels young inside. It is only when she feels a slight pain, that she is reminded of her age.

The streets of New York are a wonderful place to look for inspiration. I love to walk around and scan crowds of people passing by, looking for something that catches my eye. Whether its a woman with neon dyed hair, or another with a great pair of purple glasses or still another with arms full of handmade accessories. There is something glorious to see on every corner.

What I love about the ladies I photograph is that age has allowed them a renewed sense of freedom.Their rule, is that there are no rules.They dress for themselves and feel comfortable in their own skin.That's not to say that they would all dye their hair pink or don eccentric accessories. They do what is right for them and wear what makes them feel good. As 80 year old Joyce says," To age is a privilege". I hope that the images I present are a reminder that we should never stop living life to the fullest and never stop having fun.

I invite you to scroll through Advanced Style and drink in the amazing beauty of these older women. It has seriously been one of the most encouraging things I've experienced. I personally have always looked forward to getting older and going grey! I'm sure the aches and pains that come from getting older are no fun, but like Joyce said, it's a privilege!

Share your thoughts on aging and the view of older people over at the forum.

Video: Eve on Loving Your Body

Video: Jean Kilbourne on objectification of women in advertising

"Itʼs difficult to be healthy in what I call a ʻtoxic cultural environmentʼ – an environment that
surrounds us with unhealthy images and constantly sacrifices our health and our sense of wellbeing for the sake of profit [...] What does advertising tell us about women? It tells us as it always has that whatʼs most important is how we look. So the first thing the advertisers do is surround us with the image of ideal female beauty. Women learn from a very early age that we must spend enormous amounts of time, energy, and above all money striving to achieve this look, and feeling ashamed and guilty when we fail. And failure is inevitable because the ideal is based on absolute flawlessness." -Jean Kilbourne

(This video is hard to find online, so if these videos get taken off of youtube, that's why! I originally had a version with two 45 minute videos, but they got removed from youtube. I could only find this version with the two language captions, I hope they aren't too distracting. I couldn't not include this documentary, it's so powerful.)

Video: Jessi Arrington on Personal Style

"Confidence is key. If you think you look good in something, you almost certainly do. And if you don't think you look good in something, you're also probably right. I grew up with a mom who taught me this day-in and day-out. But it wasn't until I turned 30 that I really got what this meant. And I'm going to break it down for you for just a second. If you believe you're a beautiful person inside and out, there is no look that you can't pull off." - Jessi Arrington

Gayle Tzemach Lemmon on Women entrepreneurs, Example not Exception

The women in my family are not exceptions. The women in this room and watching in L.A. and all around the world are not exceptions. We are not a special interest group. We are the majority. And for far too long, we have underestimated ourselves and been undervalued by others. It is time for us to aim higher when it comes to women, to invest more and to deploy our dollars to benefit women all around the world. -Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

Video: Isabel Allende on Passion

" It is a fact that giving women education, work, the ability to control their own income, inherit and own property, benefits the society. If a woman is empowered, her children and her family will be better off. If families prosper, the village prospers, and eventually so does the whole country... Women are 51 percent of humankind. Empowering them will change everything -- more than technology and design and entertainment. I can promise you that women working together -- linked, informed and educated -- can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet." -Isabel Allende

Video: Eve Ensler on Happiness

"When we give in the world what we want the most, we heal the broken part inside each of us. And I feel, in the last eight years, that this journey, this miraculous vagina journey, has taught me this really simple thing, which is that happiness exists in action; it exists in telling the truth and saying what your truth is; and it exists in giving away what you want the most." -Eve Ensler

Video: Steve Jobs on Living

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. -Steve Jobs

Video: Matt Cutts' 30 day challenge

"There's a few things I learned while doing these 30-day challenges. The first was, instead of the months flying by, forgotten, the time was much more memorable. This was part of a challenge I did to take a picture every day for a month. And I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing that day. I also noticed that as I started to do more and harder 30-day challenges, my self-confidence grew. I went from desk-dwelling computer nerd to the kind of guy who bikes to work -- for fun. Even last year, I ended up hiking up Mt. Kilimanjaro, the highest mountain in Africa. I would never have been that adventurous before I started my 30-day challenges."

- Matt Cutts

Video: Eve Ensler on Security

"I think what I'm trying to say here is that if your end goal is security, and if that's all you're focusing on, what ends up happening is that you create not only more insecurity in other people, but you make yourself far more insecure. Real security is contemplating death, not pretending it doesn't exist. Not running from loss, but entering grief, surrendering to sorrow. Real security is not knowing something, when you don't know it. Real security is hungering for connection rather than power. It cannot be bought or arranged or made with bombs. It is deeper, it is a process, it is acute awareness that we are all utterly inter-bended, and one action by one being in one tiny town has consequences everywhere. Real security is not only being able to tolerate mystery, complexity, ambiguity, but hungering for them and only trusting a situation when they are present." -Eve Ensler