Unconventional Sexiness

Sexiness is such a nuanced concept. It's so unique to each individual person that it seems difficult to even discuss on a level that's not deeply personal. Granted, there are certain things that seem pretty universal when it comes to people who have an understanding of their own sexiness, like possessing confidence or feeling comfortable in one's skin, for instance.

I like to feel sexy. It's not something I think about all the time, and it's not really even something I think about very frequently when I get dressed, but I do like to feel sexy. Most days it's not a major part of my thoughts, but some days I just feel a big desire to look and feel sexy. Of course looking and feeling sexy is different for everyone. We perceive sexiness in such a personal way that it's impossible to say that this or that is always sexy (though pop culture would like us to believe otherwise, it seems).

Most of the things I wear, I don't perceive to be sexy. Even on days when I want to look more sexy, I don't really end up looking like a sex pot. For me, feeling sexy is totally independent of male attention. If I wanted to look sexy according to what my husband sees as sexy, I might be wearing something completely different than if I put on something that made me feel sexy. I think that's so interesting! We're taught that sexiness and male attention are interlinked, but really sexiness and feeling sexy are such personal experiences, and sometimes independent of male attentino.

So many of the actresses and celebrities these days seem to take themselves and their sexiness so seriously. They go in Maxim magazine and have these sultry photos in fancy lingerie in order appear conventionally sexy- and by now we all know that "sex sells." It proliferates the idea that we have to be sex goddesses in order for men (and even for ourselves) to think we're sexy. Cosmo tells us all the time how to please men, and what bras and panties to buy to turn our man on, and how to have the best orgasm of our lives. I just wish sexiness wasn't so overt and watered down. We all have unconventional sexiness because we're all completely unique and individual.

It's hard for people these days to find their own brand of sexy, since the entire world (or so it seems) is telling all us girls to show cleavage, shop at Victoria's Secret, take pole dancing classes, and buy KY intense in order to feel sexy. While those things can probably help to some degree, for some women, I think it's a whole lot more simple than all that, and certainly more inexpensive:

Smile more -
Feeling good about yourself is kind of a feedback loop, if you will. The more you smile, the more you feel happy; the more you feel happy, the more you smile! And if you're happy, you're more likely to feel good about yourself and your life. Sexy people always seem to be happy and content with their lives. We all have our problem but if we just try to smile more and be more content with our lives in general, those problems will seem like far less of a big deal.

Look pretty -
Looking pretty is different for everyone. It has certainly evolved for me over the years. If I wore something that made me feel pretty in high school today I probably wouldn't feel pretty at all. Looking pretty is just about putting that little extra effort into your appearance that can give you a pep in your step and make you feel like a bombshell. I know that everyone needs a scrub day once in a while, but pulling yourself together can make you feel more confident- and feeling confident is a huge part of being sexy.

Do something you love -
When you pour yourself into something you are passionate about, your whole life is enhanced. Whether you are lucky enough to get to do what you love as a career, or you give yourself time on the side to do something, make sure you are devoting yourself to a passion. Write and play music, paint, draw, write poetry, run, blog, take photos, do whatever it is that feeds your soul. If you have a job that takes the life out of you and you don't give yourself time to bask in your passions, it will show on your face and your demeanor. A passionate person is a sexy person and that passion will infiltrate every area of your life.

Wear sexy underwear -
This is fun because it's your little secret. Don't let yourself fall into a lull of wearing granny panties. Wearing something really fun and sexy that no one can see can help you feel great without needing a super sexy outfit. Set aside some of your budget to head down to a lingerie shop and buy some cute bras and panties. I remember when I was a little girl helping my mom fold laundry I asked her why she had pretty underwear if no one saw it. She told me that it was so she felt pretty. She'll probably be embarrassed that I shared that, but I remember it very distinctly. Basic underwear is important, but let yourself indulge in a little secret sexiness.

Laugh at yourself -
Don't be so easily embarrassed- it will paralyze you. Let yourself laugh at your own mistakes, and you will be less afraid to make them. The more you allow yourself to take risks the more carefree you will feel. Laughing makes you smile, and remember the first thing I said about smiling! Mistakes are inevitable, embarrassing situations are inevitable (no matter how hard you try to avoid them), so stop trying so hard to avoid the mistakes and dive into life, being prepared to laugh at yourself when you screw up. Screw up, laugh at yourself, and move on with life. The confidence you feel from not being paralyzed by fear is remarkably sexy.

Of course all this is just starters, being sexy is all about your individual personality. Don't buy into the fashion industry, celebrities, and magazines telling you how to be sexy as if sexiness is a one-size-fits-all teddy that you can just slip into. Live your life to the fullest and sexiness will follow you.