Your Love Language

One of the main things we've been hitting on in this course is that you are totally and completely unique, and that you need different things than other people. The same goes for love. Not everyone feels loved the same way. Some people feel loved when others do things for them, others feel loved when they receive hugs. For some people, gifts don't make them feel loved at all, while for others giving them a gift is one of the most loving things you can do for them! We all feel love differently.

You may or may not have heard of the 5 Love Languages before, but it boils this concept down into 5 different areas that most people feel loved best. They are:

Quality Time
Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation

You'll probably find that one of those stands out most for you, with a couple of others maybe as a close second or third. For instance, My main love language (how I feel loved) is Quality Time, and then after that is Words of Affirmation and then Physical touch. If you're not really sure which one(s) of those areas is your number one, the 5 Love Languages website actually has a cool little quiz that can help you figure it out.

Here are the definitions from the 5 Love Languages website:

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Why are love languages important? It's important because if you don't know what someone's love language is, you could be trying to show them love in a love language that just doesn't translate for them. Maybe you know that you love it when you get gifts, so you've been giving someone gifts trying to express your love and appreciation of them, but they don't feel loved through gifts. They feel loved through quality time-- they want to spend time with you, not get gifts from you. That is how they feel loved, when you make an effort to give them your time. A lot of times we think that other people feel love the same way we do and are hurt or confused when they don't respond they way we would with such a gesture. What's being missed in those scenarios is that we all experience love differently. The reason they're called "languages" is that so often someone is trying to express love to us in a foreign love language and we don't understand it.

The better you get at understanding how you feel loved, the more able to communicate that to others you'll be. And you'll seek to understand what your loved ones' love languages are, so you can better love them! If you want, you should ask your loved ones to take the online quiz and let you know what their love languages are.